She hasn't been around for a long time. She's placed her heart in someone's hands and chooses not to share. Honestly, sometimes I want to shout and holler her back to us, back to who I know she truly is, but that's not what good mothers do. Other times, oh hell who am I kidding, I just want her back, period. I've been advised that it's just her trying to find her way and what kind of life she wants to live. I understand it but don't like it. I am allowing this to break my heart and it scares me to think this is how it's always going to be. I know she's hurting because I can feel her heart. I don't care how bizarre that sounds. It is this truth that I have always been able to experience when it comes to my children. The only way I can explain it is that it's like I'm able to crawl inside them and feel what they are feeling, become them emotionally for a moment. If I had a choice, this wouldn't happen to me, but it does. I miss my Lala girl.
